oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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