I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
