She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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