He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
