Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize