I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
