I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
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