I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
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