I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
This can only be settled by a dance off.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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