I accidentally had phone sex last night
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I wear drunk well.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
