Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
