OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Randomize
