adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize