I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
