On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
