Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
