Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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