last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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