Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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