Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
