my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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