Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I just googled if crying burns calories
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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