we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
