From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
