I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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