am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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