Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
where does the pee come out of this thing
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize