I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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