so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Randomize
