listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
we made out on top of his cat.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
So vagazzling was a success
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
