i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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