Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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