we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
