WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I could fuck to npr.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
