Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
