Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
it was like eating out sand paper
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We don't watch enough power rangers
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
