I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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