so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
