Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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