He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
