just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
