Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
