Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
