So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
