so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
