I feel like abortions should bother me more
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize