We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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