I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize