so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
