To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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