oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You don't make any sense
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