If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
