The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
