Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize