Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
