We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
