the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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