I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
