Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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