Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
