Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
