Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
