Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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