thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
