Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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