at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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