i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
