I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
