yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
