she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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