She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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