so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
