I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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