quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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