I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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