I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
