The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
