Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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