And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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