last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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