He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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