he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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